Honour Thyself.

* a courageous journey of survival,memory,and self-discovery*

12th December'10 @ 2049

The tittle for my entry is fully inspired by Danielle Steel's amazing work on her novel-Honour Thyself.She's my current craze and undeniably,she's an awesome and a fantastic author just like the rest-Michael Crichton,Sidney Sheldon.To begin with,I got to know Steel's existence whilst in facebook after my Internal exam.A junior of mine posted' "he's never been perfect,but he's always in her heart-Rogue,Danielle Steel.Impulsively,I googled for I knew it has to be an author and I was right.Read the synopsis of Rogue in Fanfaction and I just loved it and was actually planning to get the novel.It's really been ages since I last bought a novel.The last was Da Vinci Code which didn't impress me much.

My weekend couldn't get any better,quiter and calmer than this.My first free weekend where I had the chance to get and do what i wanted-just by myself.Initial plan was to attend my last African Nite on saturday.Wandered at the Walking street for a casual wear but I couldn't find one.Wasn't disappointed as I had a back up plan to go for skating with my batchmates.As i was walking down the walking street,I decided to check out Biblioteka and on the second floor,2 book shelves were filled with English books.The excitement of seeing novels came rushing into me,just like how it was when I was a child.I've been an avid reader ever since my young days and nothing could stop me from getting fully immersed into good and brilliantly written novels.Michael Crichton's works were not available on the shelves but Sidney Sheldon and Danielle Steel's Rogue was there!!!! I grabbed Rogue and was very much delighted.Being the me,I'd always inspected more before getting what I had desired all the while.Few books by Steel was on display but Honour Thyself,caught the lenses of my eyes.Reached for the book and the synopsis was very much appealing and I decided to get that instead of Rogue.Lucky for me,the same junior who had introduced Steel to me has Rogue,so here comes the barter system so that we could get sated with both books:)

After a treat in Mc'd right after Internal lecture had ended on friday,I refreshed and started reading my newly purchased novel.I was very much excited for I have back in touch with my reading(novels) passion which I had abandoned in my medical school.Approximately 50 pages were read and I decided to call it a day and went beneath my covers.Drifted to a good night's sleep and woke up past noon on saturday.Made myself a very balanced lunch+dinner.Even before that,I was already casting my eyes on the pages of the novel and enjoying each and every word.I was just too comfortable in my own pace,right on my bed with the comforter,and my study light on and in addition,it was snowing and the weather was just too perfect for an outing at -3*C.I waited for the clock to strike 5pm so i could go for skating but as if it had been fated that I had to spend my saturday with a novel,the skating plan was cancelled.As much as I wanted to finish this book tonight,I realised I was only half way of the book~

Sunday.I just couldn't get out of my bed when the novel was on my hands.Plan to Krishna's temple got cancelled as I wanted to finish the book today and to a greater extent,I was enjoying my free sunday and it was snowing quite heavily around noon.I couldn't take off my eyes from the novel as it was reaching its highest point.Beautiful story of a woman who had the second chance to count her blessings.I'm not going to tell synopsis here,go and get the book people!!It's a must read.Right now,I'm done with the book and wanted to exchange it with Rogue.

The book perfectly fitted with my concept of a woman.She handled it well ,whatever that had come to her and the novel certainly has my biggest rooting and recommendation!!

Well written,Danielle Steel,good job!:)I enjoyed reading it and it certainly worth my time:)

Happy weekend,a weekend of my very own-and tomorrow back to work...;)

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I'm DONE,yo!!!!:)

*weeeee...no more exam till GOC in June*

2nd December'10 @ 1415

Energy biscuits lasting 4 hours + a sip of light pepsi + a mini pack of lays...there goes my lunch.I have a sudden surplus of appetite after gynae exam yesterday!!! YES..I"M DONE WITH GYNAE and free from exams till next june..*wide wide smile*.Guess after the many weeks of inhibited emotions due to stress,all became unleashed once the main aethiological factor of my stress has been removed~

I'm yet to get my compensation for the many sleeping hours which i had missed.The first thing that struck my mind after I got my zachut,infact I planned this earlier..attend public health lecture,eat something light and straight away get slumped on my bedupon reaching to my room.But,my paediatrician lecturer had a different plan for me.We're scheduled to present to her our power point presentation tomorrow for 1st time stratification and editting...zakiah came over to my room and both of us got everything done mailed then to fil,who did a good job together with wani:)Our lecturer was very much happy and impressed..good job guys!!! We have like our night meet up today at wani's place for our final editting and rehearsal before our day of presentation to mark the end of our paediatrics cycle next week:)

I have tonnes of things in my mind and the one which is on my top of list---to sleep and to regain as much rest as possible.Now that my gynae is done,i should carry out my plans which have been postponed till now.Few more days of rest and I'll be all set to go again,(hopefully!!!:p)

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bumpy roads.

*I will,if this is a test of a time*

22nd November'10 @ 2010

1st entry for my favourite month,November.Certain things are simply not for public viewing.Who are you to make others sad?If you want to share the joy and spread happiness to the world,you don't need permission to do so but when it comes to handling certain circumstances,you just better get it done using your own potentially still viable brain cells.

My favourite November will be coming to an end in a week time.Forgetting the month of November and it's very important events that have always made up to my calendar?CLEARLY NO!I could forget anything but not the month of November.Birthdays had passed,welcome to the club...more responsibilities,more logical thinking,more rational actions(I believe)..everything seems to be getting more and more,including my care.It has been in me and it will be in me forever for this is who I am,though now it's not directly visible.

In malay language,there's a saying 'diserang bertubi-tubi'.Well,that applies to me right now.1stly,internal medicine +gynaecology cycle.2ndly-well not so of a surprise (twice mind you) when I'm already --whatever- ,3rdly-to feel and pretending not to know the expectance 4th-why am i feeling guilty?I've done enough on my part and final 5th-hallo,when can I do my gynae exam?why is the prof so busy???????????????????????I so wanna be free without having have to mug my head with gynae...

Honestly not very fine right now.Too many things in head,having sleepless nights with weird dreams..okay come on,I don't get my beautiful 8 hours of sleep,so can you like just let me sleep soundly without anything that has to interfere with my sleep daily?The more you try to forget and say no,the more stronger it stays in your mind..I need a trepanation to decrease my Intracranial pressure~

The month of November which has always provided the most precious memories,has a very little thing to offer me this year.Albeit that,on a more positive and a cheerful note,I've been doing what interests me ever since 2nd November.

And now,with gynae exam's date has been postponed again,the owl is resorting to bed right now.Good night~

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a year ago…down the memory lane…

*30th October’10 after midnight…it’s snowing..from my room’s window…*

30th October’10 @ 19.33

Did you know..procrastination or better to say when you miss an exam date,everything else get adjourned too?Though gynae cycle was my 1st cycle,I only can get done with my exam in the next coming 2 weeks.All was because of internal exam and when I decided to get gynae done last Monday,the doctor didn’t show up due to overwhelming workload(i assume) and only turned up after we left the hospital..damn!!! I so wanted to get it done so that I’d be able to revise my other subjects which need my equal attention too,but now…at least,I was done reading and going through them,now all i got to do is to reinsert them in my mind and obviously,MEMORISE every single fact of it…I’m not spared here,let’s do it and finish it and be free from exams till GOC exams in spring!!

New subject in 11th semester was Occupational Diseases for 6 days.I enjoyed listening to Prof.Troshen’s lectures and classes as I regard him,someone who wants to pass his wide knowledge to us.The symptoms of pneumoconiosis can mimic bronchitis symptoms,can resemble X-ray image of TB…what will happen if you misdiagnose it?all in all,I enjoyed the classes and still attending his lectures though to be honest I nearly fell asleep(but i swear,I didn’t) on his first lecture-Introduction to Occupational diseases..the statistics and graphs are just too much to comprehend

Currently with internal cycle-guess this semester,Group 631E is the floating group but on the bright side,we can have the taste of having different doctors in ‘drilling’ us.Part 1 for 5 days of internal medicine ended with Dr.Tatyana,my favourite internal lecturer ever.One of a kind and definitely the best.Second part of Internal Medicine continues with Dr.Panova,started on Friday and I believe it will go on smoothly.She’s equally as good as Dr.Tatyana-she just enjoys diverting her talk from DM to other issues and finally will get back to DM.I could see the vast knowledge in her and perhaps she is an avid reader of anything that concerns about health!!!We were informed earlier that our classes with her will be lasting only till 12th Nov,and that’s like for only 2 weeks from now on?..so who’s next in charge of us?Dr.Ilya,Dr.Petrov or the almighty Dr.Andrevna?Ain’t this internal medicine cycle of mine is peaking its hiatus of suspense?I shall see what happens next in 2 weeks time…

Next Friday will be Diwali..yes,my last Diwali abroad.Yippee..after this,my colourful Diwali with dad,mum,ragu,uncles,aunties,cousins,and my relatives---I just can’t to be back home next year!!!

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CSI casts.

*an aborted foetus*

*abraded wound on the extremity*

10th Oct'10 @ 1310

10.10.10-I got to make an entry today!!what's the big buzz about this day?I've no clue but all i know this so called 'i-dont-know-why' it's so important date is just all over my fb feeds..so let's make it a 'memorable' one by publishing an entry.

Recently,I'm having Forensic sciences cycle.It's been almost 2 weeks and I only have another 3 more days to end this cycle.Pretty much sad,because I'm actually enjoying this cycle very much..ask me why?for a couple of reasons I would state-1stly,it's my most relaxing cycle(no preparation is needed before classes the following days,unlike many other subjects),2ndly-forensic science was my option besides medicine during my form 6 days and 3rdly-the classroom and what we do in the class is way to cool--:), 4th-this branch of science plays a major role in medicine= in a criminology aspect:) 5th-the lecturer(we got his name all wrong in our case reports)..darn,and yeah he was actually a very easy going guy,compared to how he is in lectures..very schematic indeed and he actually checks the attendance one by one.One setback: it's very hard to rewrite whatever he was reading out(he reads only once) and his terms and pronounciations~

1st day of class-AWESOME,it was my first day of live autopsy.Corpse was found dead in his apartment.I got a better insight on how they do the post mortem from top to toe,from external investigation to inner investigation.56 year old,alcoholic man,with vomitting mass on his shirt,mouth,hemorrhages in his eyes,edema of the brain and lung.the final diagnosis was:death due to aspiration caused by alcohol.We passed up a case report after a week.And I realised,there's a very thin line or maybe there's no difference between a butcher and a forensic doctor.

the following practical classes were only in the class.THe class room is creepily cool with dead models on display,type of weapons used(real ones),schemes of how to make diagnosis,type of wounds found on the corpses,extracted organs with defects~

As much as I'm enjoying the classes,soon I will be having a very hectic cycles coming up-next week on thursday onwards will be started with occupational diseases for another 6 days before getting myself fully committed to internal medicine.

I think I missed out this prime line---"OMG,IT's ALREADY OCTOBER!!!!":))))))))) *big and wide smile of mine*

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37 more weeks to GO!!!!

*soon home for good...:)))))*

25th September'10 @ 0213

holla bloggie!!! a very good morning to ya:))))This is my 1st free weekend after 3 weeks of my struggle to complete my internal and I made it!!:))) officially a 6th year and just another 37 weeks to go before i return home for good~ wow,time will certainly fly very fast,without me realising it...as for now,i've been having my post exam syndrome and brain is demanding for a break before I get started on my gynae exam.Gynae exam will be my last exam in my 6 years of med school!!!(and I've excluded state exams here!)..

As I was having my daily rides to obs hospital in aftozavod,I know this autumn will be my last one here.I can never deny that,I will be missing the awesome weather here especially during autumn and spring.Winter has been my favourite too but not when the weather drops to the core.I simply love walking here unlike back at home where i'd insist on a ride even to a nearby shop.

Secondly,Russian hunks!!! OMG,these guys are certainly cute(i'm saying this again in my 6th year!!).Despite their cuteness,what actually draws a girl towards them?From my perspective,they respect girls much(atleast they don;t whistle whilst a girl is passing by unlike in Malaysia) and when they actually stop their vehicles to let you cross the road:)Good values should be treasured and Russians are good samaritans too with an excpetion of few black sheep(s).I will be missing "zakiah,tengok..comel la" callings once June 2011 comes..:p

3rdly,the doctors whom I respect and look up all the time.Final meeting up face to face will be with them for my state exam next may and then..i"m done~nO more adrenaline rush to face them in order to answer exam questions,no more the mighty Dr.Andrevna who will be laughing hastily at your so called 'immature' answers.These mentors cant be replaced ever.When others say these mentors pick on students,I took it in a more positive way...all i can say,I want to be like them especially soemone like Dr.Andrevna.Perhaps I'd be hated but who cares?It's the knowledge and the approach to safe a life,is what matters.Though there's always been a double standard when it comes to Russian graduates,I'd like to emphasize here that Russia thought us something more than just studies---it's all about facing the challenges in life with a determined courage.I can;t say I'm fully prepared for next year but I know I'm still learning and I'd strive for the best till i reach my aim.:)

Last but not least,I'm sure now I'd be missing my room 410 much more when now I'm having my 5 years+++ room ONLY to MYSELF.It just feels like I'm in my room back at home.Yeay:)

Thank you very very much kok meng,zakiah and soo ching for helping me to refurbish my room:) thanks,guys:)

Okay I better put a stop and hit my comfy bed...and finally I could let the lights on while I'm sleeping..no more worrying about anything!!!!:)))))) nites:)

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FINAL YEAR!!!!!:)

*a life time dream...*

21st August'10@1353

The jolly and excited mood is fading off day by day as the days are coming closer for me to board the plane next sunday at 2am.Summer holidays of 2010 is coming to an end.Though part of me wants to stay longer here in my home,I'm actually excited to embark into my final year and come back to Malaysia with a scroll after 10 months.Still...who'd resist holidays,am I right?

I came back with loads of plan(kind of organised) to be done over the holidays but darn!!!I was at my worst by being an incredible procrastinator...well,maybe I shouldn';t exaggerate too much but nita,you didn't go according to your plan and you gotta admit that!First of all,i didn't expect this year there'd be too many family reunions where I had to travel practically every weekend.I didn't expect I will be having one day road trip to KL/teluk intan.Trip to teluk intan,I don't mind..anytime!but to go to other places,I'd rather stay in my comfort zone--my home and in my room.

I wasn't really bored staying without ragu at home.Dad and mum have been a great companion.I enjoyed it very much though we only spent time at home,before going to bed(this is one thing i will miss very much,long chats and disturbings before sleeping) and dining at restaurants.No family outings since ragu is all the way in USM prior to his 3rd year new sem.Snippets among the days been outings with my besties and all in all,holidays were fun--a quiet and been a decision making period.What's with all this new things right?But,I got into dad and mum's mind and I know what they want.So,let everything happen as it have been planned instead of if it's mean to be,it will certainly happen once for real.

Final year and let's make it a memorable one.All the best to me.

*whatever that's on it's way to me,you're welcome and will be part of my life cycle.Whatever that might be.*

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