Prema.

"I promise you,from the bottom of my heart,I will love you till death do us apart..."-lyrics from The Backstreet Boys.

24th August'11 @ 0220

Prema in telugu means love.5 letters in Telugu and 4 letters in English.I'm not the right person to write on this subjective feeling.Did you know?Being a good listener somehow always in return,is expected to give your opinion,even when you try to 'run away' from 'few sensitive topics'.

So here it goes,I have the slightest idea on how many will nod in agreement with me but this captivating word is causing unlimited miseries/joy/pleasure and yes,you may add other describable words/feelings if you wish.

It's not an old news,but few times I was asked "how do you know if it's a true love?"..darn! I was so tempted to answer "dude,you got no better questions to ask during meeting ups?",instead I replied, "when it happens to you,then you'll know".Answered nonchalantly,you think?.And you will secretly hope that no further questions will be shot at you but before you could realise,there comes "but when and how la..." from the mouth of your bestie.Now you have no choice,when the request is stronger than before.See this is what i said,being a good listener and observer aren't enough (at times!).

My very personal opinion on love-it is a subjective feeling,better to say it's a good blend of all the feelings in the whole world-happiness,sadness,ecstasy,dreamy feeling(e.g flying so up in the sky),turning into a Jr.Shakespeare,feeling 'lighter' regardless of day/night,racing heartbeats or sometimes you could have the sensation of skipped heartbeats..okay enough with that,others might have different symptoms when you fell into one.Yet,not all can be considered as true love and one cannot ascertain it will last forever.

In this new age,is there still true love?Don't mistaken me,I'm not against love.I am still adamant on "love is the greatest feeling on the earth".But the existence of true love is questionable in modern society.How things could be so different during our grandparents days?Their family institution was far more stronger than how it is now in young generations'.As we become more educated,nonetheless,we become more ignorant and less thankful of each other.Everybody wants to win but nobody wants to listen,now that's something to be rectified.

It's not wise enough to ask a teenager/youngsters on 'what is love?'.If you're seeking for the most humble,innocent and honest answer--ask kids and the senior citizens who still walk hand in hand.Few years back,I came across a special column in thestar written on love-the entry was entitled S.H.M.I.L.Y which stands for 'see how much i love you'.The story was about how this couples will leave the S.H.M.I.L.Y abbreviation in written form on a piece of paper,on the grains,in their closet only being discovered later by the other half.On the other hand ,a kid at his/her tender age replied "love is when mum cooks dad's most favourite dish" or "love is when dad brings mum roses in the evenings and hugs her from behind"..now isn't that a sweet reply?Kids practice what they see,just like "you reap what you sew".

Love can come in many forms,it's you who have full control over it.They say 'appreciate that someone when he/she is still there" because it's pointless to cry over a spilled milk.So why wait for tomorrow to say 'I am sorry'' or "thank you" when you still have today???Saying 'sorry' doesn't degrade yourself,but it shows how much you love and care for the person by setting aside your ego merely because you still want them in your life.Mostly,people are blinded from the very start that they don't see all the simple things that are needed to a put a smile on each other's face.

To tell the truth,I look with much admiration at the grandpas and grandmothers while on my outings.Usually I will steal quick glances at them (until I've been caught by them) before I give them a smile and guess what?Grandpas and grandmas will flash back their toothless smiles at me:) I love that sight,don't ask me why but they are the icon for "it's not how much love you have in the beginning,but it's how much love you built towards the end".

So,the next time you need advice on true love, kindly refer to senior citizens and you'll be awed at their successful secret recipe of long standing marriage and love.Perhaps,true love is still out there because of them:)

0355

is there SOMETHING still left?

we're Malaysians and let us be proud to be one.
19th August'11 @ 0107

Malaysia has lost its identity which it once had.I miss my Malaysia.I miss dearly the Malaysia that I once grew up,the Malaysia which once had been the role model for other nations for Its best exemplary in housing multi-racial citizens.It was once,I highly doubt it if it is still.

The Malaysia that I'm seeing now is a total 'new' Malaysia.I believe I was not away for too long,was I?it was only for 6 years and the new look of Malaysia is very much saddening,especially when a foreigner(s) write(s) about this land of ours with much disappointment.It's even heartbreaking when you see the many entries on the staronline page :"why I want to emigrate from Malaysia?".The emigrate word always out wins the immigrate word and makes us think "has Malaysia become worse over the years?".Where's our manners and ethics as Malaysians?Where is our ever ready smiley face in greeting politely a tourist(s) /in aiding a lost visitor(s)?Where is our "please have my seat,grandma/grandpa/pregnant lady/special child" on public transports?Where is our slowing down the car's speed while nearing the pedestrian walk?Where is our giving way to an elderly who's trying with much difficulties to cross a road?Where? where and where?Have all these inherited values in us vanished into the thin air with modernisation?Does it hurt to practice more humanly and with love and care?

I grew up in a multi-racial neighbourhood.Though we're not like the neighbours of the rural areas,never once we have forgotten the surrounding neighbours whom we considered as our nearest relatives.I went to national schools ever since my childhood days.I never once thought of or even cared to ask my parents "why did you enrol me in Sekolah Kebangsaan?"but now personally I know,many parents are opting for International Schools for their betterment of the children's education.I don't blame their decision when there are many setbacks in our national schools in present.For God's sake,students education/studies are not something to be toyed around,it's either you stick to Bahasa Malaysia or Bahasa Inggeris,stop contemplating on it,will you?This issue has been going on for years and there's still no final decision about it.When will this end?When I was in school ( I'm proud to call myself a RPSian) even in my previous primary school,the teachers were fair to all of us without labelling us by skin colours(it happens now in schools),the marking system was fair,teachers had the time to explain to us and guide us throughout our school years without lacking in their responsibilities.They don't wash off their hands by saying "I know you're going for tuitions" or giving extra tuitions after schooling hours to gain extra wages.Few of us never even went for tuition classes during our early years.Teachers are more dedicated and qualified during the past years but now???I spent most of my time with classmates who are mostly malays,chinese and only maximum of 4 indians in my class.We were a happy family.I'm not ashamed to say " we used to sing..I love you,you love me,we're one big happy family" yes it is from the tv show "barney and friends".Not a morning goes by without us greeting each other once we entered the classroom.We enjoyed each others company very much,lived as a family over the years,together I mean as we advanced each year.That's why I still miss my schooling life which holds the most unforgetful memories given by my fellow classmates.The people that i encounter in present are very much the opposite.I don't judge a person by first meet but I can say again,it has come down to you're indian,and I'm not,now.I feel alienated in my own country,I will tell you why.I don't care if you call me a bragger but I can proudly say,in my school,we have no separate clubs for extra curricular activities such as :Indian Society/Chinese Society or Persatuan Agama Islam.We mingle around with everyone.These are the small things in segregation(practiced by many schools) which has already given a biggest impact on us.I don't know how many students do this but when I was in school,my fellow indian friends(my close friends and seniors) and I did not speak in our mother tongue while conversing.Despite the fact that I was a prefect,i was encouraged by my parents to speak more in english and malay in school and I can assure and as were told by many,I don't have the Indian accent while conversing in Malay.At times,people could mistaken me as a Malay girl while on the phone.The many best friends that I have and still in touch with comprise Malays,Chinese and Indians and even till now,I can hang out with them and still longing for outings with them.

I'm blessed to have such sweet and wonderful memories of school where racial discrimination wasn't present,at least not in the environment that I grew up.Perhaps it was there in 90's and before the millennium,but as a student,we were only exposed to 'good' news on tv and during the those days,Internet accessibility was considered still 'scarce' and it was monitored under the vigilant eyes of parents.I don't remember surfing for extra source of news on Malaysia beside 'the always right and no flaw' news on the television.Under the reign of my most favourite politician,without any doubt,Malaysia has emerged as the best developing nation around the world and double standard among the races were not prominent,unlike right now.I have always been an avid reader and I do keep myself updated about Malaysia even when I was abroad but came to a point I just lost interest on the daily melodramas of Malaysian news on racism,crime rates at stake,the conflict over power...and it's sickening to read all these when they don't bring any betterment for the people.

You declare 1Malaysia.Everywhere I turn...there's definitely something about 1Malaysia.What do you understand by that declaration?There will be no 1Malaysia ever if in government offices when a government worker answers you half-heartedly,with a very bitter face and to very much dismay portraying the real racist attitude by saying " saya sudah asingkan India untuk memudahkan kerja" when you were looking for your already filled up form for interview.Does that make sense to you?It would have been more logical to think if only she had done her part by separating male and female applicants' forms.You might think I am being rude but I found my form and I walked off without even thanking her.Sorry,I have no respect for her.I have never encountered this type of situation and when it happened it actually jolted me back to reality and I know I'd be seeing this more.

Despite all these,I still love my Malaysia.This is my country.I have been to other countries but the thought of emigrating has never occurred to me,because I know this is where I belong.For me,Malaysia is still the best country besides all the chaos and instability that's been going on. We carry it's name as "I am a MALAYSIAN" wherever we go.I just want back my previous harmonious Malaysia and that's my only wish for the coming 54th Hari Merdeka.We're one and I still prefer to call myself as a Malaysian First rather than I am an Indian.There will be no changes in this statement.

0250

c.h.a.n.g.e.s

a caption on metamorphosis;)
12th August'11 @ 0101

No one stays the same over the years.One may deny,I used to be one too till i was proven wrong.When I was told earlier,"she/he changed from how he/she used to be",the most proper question that I'd ask "in what aspect?attitude/character/physically or just from the outer appearance?".It's still benign if the changes only on how a person clads rather than being a total new person when what the so called 'peer influence and environmental/culture shock' take place.

I've seen many and I,personally would honestly claim that the way I think/my adaptation/my tolerance to people have changed.I'm delighful that over the 6 years,I (believe) I have become a better person in analysing certain matters,and like I said..it's not something that should be brushed aside.Changes are just everywhere,whether one likes it or not,we will definitely experience it and before we could realise,we're already thrown into the new ball of 'change'.

The best example that I had seen,amongst my little ones(i'd still address them that way though they've grown up now).It took me awhile to realise these kids actually can express what's in their minds better than even I could!Kids of 90's are very much straightforward,all you have to do is to start off a 'famous topic' while having table talks during reunions and you'll be taken aback how well they can get into it with much thoughts.Parents of 3 might be at ease thinking "i have provided them all that are necessary for the kids.." but little did they know and even aunt was surprised when my youngest cousin sister of 12 years old voiced out " Mom doesn't pay much attention to me,she only cares about 1st and 2nd sisters"(the elder sisters denied it though) and aunt was engulfed in silent mode,eyes nearly brimmed with tears but she gave back a weary and reassuring smile asking "why did you say that???"..answer:"you don't really bother much whether I have taken my meals"..just a note here;this lil angel dislikes vegetables,but is a big fan of fast food outlets especially Mc'D.I bet till that minute aunt wasn't aware of the slight changes of feeling that was in her youngest daughter until it was spoken.What could have caused the change of feeling in her when previously she never commented on her mother?surprising?I was,very indeed.

There's a proverb saying "birds of the same flock will always fly together"--yeah,you can do it and it can happen if :
1.you're planning to please each and everyone but beware honesty and sincerity always the most prime ones in life or,
ONLY if,
2.you've grown up with a bunch of trustworthy companions,where you don't have to pretend but you just know that you belong with them:) "thank you my besties/partners in crime".

Do not be afraid of changes,if it's for good,do expand it an extra mile,rather than encasing it in a small world of yours,be bold and if the next time people say "you've changed"..say "thank you"(ONLY if you're damn sure if it's for the better!) instead of giving them a blank face or a sheepish smile.There's nothing bad about changes if it doesn't hurt anyone in between.

I'll leave you with my most favourite evergreen song(one of the best) from Joey McIntyre,the lyrics say it all.Give a listen to it and you'll agree with me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5omDkJvN7Y

0200

As It Is.

4th August'11@0232

It's kind of too late if i still tell myself-I'm having jet lag,nevertheless I'm still awake.Been surfing the net and here I am,doing one of my favourites-blogging.

Life as a 'jobless' girl seems to be taking its toll on me.Maybe because I'm too used to being occupied that now I find myself being too free.Not very much of a tv/movie person."mom,do you want me to do anything for you?" answer ;"it's okay,I will do it"..duh!Not the type of a person who loves to lepak.I can say,this life is damn relaxing but at the same time it feels 'empty'.*Don't whim,you'll be missing this free period once induction is over!*

On the other hand,Finally today I got hold of The Bhagavad Gita As It Is (The Song of God) after reading 'The Reservoir of Pleasure" --who else could it refer to?It has to be Lord Krsna,always and eternally:).The Bhagavad Gita has always been my most favourite book(though I considered it as the most sacred Veda of the devotees).I hope it's not too late for me to read this thick book(hopefully can finish it before I start working).There are many simplified version/books on The Mahabharata and The Bhagavad Gita but it wont hurt to read the actual verses(700) in sanskrit as it is delivered by The Lord himself on the battlefield.Even before I turn the pages of the holy book, a very clear and inspirational message from The Bhagavad Gita is
"Whatever that had happened,happened for good.Whatever that's happening is happening for good and whatever that will happen also will happen for good only".

A very delightful note on the back of the hardcover of the book,written by the great Mahatma Gandhi sounds " When doubts haunt me,when disappoinments stare me in the face,and I see not one ray of hope on the horizon,I turn to Bhagavad Gita and find a verse to comfort me;and I immediately begin to smile in the midst of overwhelming sorrow.Those who meditate on the Gita will derive fresh joy and new meanings from it every day." Hence begins my self-realisation process too,just a beginner but I have started!:)

Besides engaging myself with The Bhagavad Gita,I'm going to hit gym tomorrow,visited the gym and all of sudden I miss the better equipped gym in Nizhny Novgorod.I can't sit at home 24/7!

Okay,good night for now~

0313