Never in a million years...

* never in a million years,would there be another you..I would shed a million tears if ever we were through*

31st January'10 @ 0122





My eyes are refusing to sleep.It's definitely a huge change in my biological clock system over the years.If 3 years ago,I could sleep for a long stretch of 12 hours right after coming back from classes on fridays,now I can barely sleep for a continuous 6 hours without being awakened in the middle.My brain cells are fatigued but I just can't seem to lay down to get a good sleep.Dismissing the many thoughts that are running in my mind-they could be one of the reasons of my sleeping disorder but I think,the best answer to explain would be the normal routine during classes and the alertness and burning midnight oil when nearing to exams are responsible for this 'tired yet fully awake' state of mine.





I felt a strong pulse to add an entry at this very hour.I'm clearly sane to say this "no matter what happens in the next few years to come,I will still be the same person.It's a vow."-this is for those who are dearest and closest to me and my heart.





Things probably would have been different if I had chosen to stay in Malaysia and furthered my studies there (perhaps in a different field?) but I know there's a significant reason behind it and a very explainable(unexplainable) reason for all the things that are happening now.I just want others to know that,never look back for the things that you wish you could have done earlier/the things that you had missed a chance in life.You're thrown into this and for certain,He will get you through this.After all,all of us are His favourites(I'm the toppest one on His list,no offence peeps:p).Never complain for all the things that are happening to you now,you're doing extremely great there,I can see and I'm dead sure of that.Make the best out of it and you'll see yourself sparkling eminently among the other brightest stars.You'll never lack best wishes and lucks as long as I'm here *wink*..so keep on moving up and strive for the best;)





Had a good saturday though.Soo ching,my hairstylist highlighted my hair with streaks of light blond,it looks (very) obvious,but I'm loving it!!:)





Dinner treat given by karthikkesh in his room.Enjoyed his foods very much..with my usual early satiety,I couldn't go for 2nd round but I tried all his dishes which reminded me of mum;s cookings especially his mutton curry.Not a huge fan of mutton curry,never really been but the curry was delicious.Thank you very much for the post exam dinner treat,junior:)





I missed visiting Krishna for the past 4 weeks due to by busy schedule.Don;t get mad at me,You know You;re always on my mind,regardless of my thick and thin times.I'm coming right to You tomorrow at 3pm.You have the most extraordinary effect on me,not denying that.Will see You with a bouquet of flowers in less than 12 hours time;)





I loved this quote(posted by sarah in fb) the very first time I saw it.Sarah,you are in Salzburgh right now,I hope you won't mind if I rewrite it on my blog(thanks in advance)=)





"never in a million years,would there be another you...I would shed a million tears if ever we were through"





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The taste of my freedom;)

*little prince of the family...isn't he adorable?* -Aunt Nita.
29th January 2010





hey bloggie,been 2 weeks since i last blogged!!!Now I have sufficent time in the world to keep you abreast!





I'm feeling so loosened up?Actually,my occiput is exerting a mild excruciating pain,well I'm ignoring it completely,still wanna continue blogging,and let myself swiftly sway to the beat of music.





I'm so the tired after 2 major exams for the semester: paediatrics and epidemiology~*yeay,exams are officially over at 1pm today!* I couldn't put it in words how i felt throughout this week...worn out completely!Paeds,done on monday with Professor.She was entirely impressed,my questions weren't that tough but it's how you present it to her and how well you can explain your clinical case.Days before paeds exam,miraculously I wasn;t tensed up but I was more relaxed and just wanted to face it."what could possibly go wrong,right?If can;t answer,just do another day!" so that's my new policy now and I;m less tensed up!





Paeds done.When others gave up saying,"i'm totally drained from paeds",I wanted to complete epidemiology as I don't want to bring it to next sem.I learned my lesson,therefore,it's a big NO NO! Only started reading and memorising all the facts seriously on tuesday.Even then,I'm always being lured away,even when I tried to stay away.Allright,bring it on then:p





3 days for epidemiology?what????Maybe it's more than enough for certain individuals but as for me,I was further 'tortured".I'm very adamant that my brain would have cursed me to the hiatus of vengeance for not letting it take some time off!I wonder when it's gonna explode for not being able to withstand the amount of pressure I'm imposing on it!





There were moments of emotional breakdown that took place last week.For an example,for the very first time,I sent a long mail to mum explaining myself being not the one enjoying life when all the remark I got from home "why do you always back off at the last minute and chose to do your exam on the second day?"..Mum never gets it no matter how many times I explained to her.It was a pure emotion filled mail which I sent to mum knowing that she was very angry at me.I never sounded that way,even in words but Mum was suprised saying " It has always been your choice to study medic,now you are saying all you have is your books in your 25 years of life?"..Well,Mum said her 'true reply' will be sent tomorrow,I'm waiting to read it actually.So what is it now?Mother VS daughter's mail?We'll see..Ma,I love you.





Epidemio today,only managed to do 2 rounds in 3 days before I decided to pack my bag and catch the bus to pharmaco department..still felt not prepared,don't know why.Professor was already questioning wawa when I walked in.She gave me her sharp look,okay yes I know I went lil bit late,heck,it's better to study,knowing something rather than being the you who knows nothing!!





4 questions,all were ok...managed to answer them and when my time came,my zachut book was passed to a young teacher.There I went following her to her cabin!!!Extra questions were asked,got through and here I am now,just ate 3 slices of pizza..I'm awfully hungry for the past 1 week..



it's time to compensate for whatever that I had missed for over the sem,that include:





1.a good long hours of sleep without any dreams,YES NO DREAMS PLEASE(not even the sweetest one:p)





2.catch up with my besties in msn: shalu,I gotta so many things to tell ya..you'll be surprised,babe!!!


vicks: the can wait news now,cannot wait any longer...where are you la?went cuci-mata-ing already?*wink*








The things I really wanted to do/planned for the break:





1.Highlight my hair with streaks of blond.Hairstylist soo ching offered her skills,so shall let her do wonders on my hair!





2.SHOPPING,shopping and shopping!!!I wanna be a shophaholic,daddy!





On the least of things which are still on my plan:


1.rewrite my last internal medicine lecture notes





2.complete my notes on my abandon hematology.





3.complete notes on psychiatry





4.practicals on ambulance!!!








Well I received quite a number of good news for the past few weeks*wink*..the best out of them is grandpa finally got his 1st great grandson born on 20th January: Prince came to the world..he's extremely cute,looks more like my bro in law,Navin!Can't wait to cuddle you in my arms,lil prince..you are so adorable,cutie:)





Tonight,I can sprawl on my bed instead of sleeping on my study table...now this is what you call;THE TASTE OF FREEDOM! I never knew it could be as sweet as honey,or perhaps,sweeter?





Happy 10 days holidays,nita!:)

F for fudged up!

* being calm even when it feels like a volcano waiting to erupt*

15th December'10@1545

*Inhale and exhale deeply,nita~*..yeap,done!*does it help to destress?*..*guess,no..still so fudged up!*I'm so the....#$%!@###*(nothing in vulgar!)

what am I feeling at this very minute?I feel like-smiling?laughing out loud?lash out at someone?box someone?or even feel like breaking things?a good combination of all those,yes,that's what I feel like doing right now!!!!better still I wanna hike up to the top of Kledang Hill and SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT!

Before every semester begins,after checking the time table,I'd be satisfied,only to realise later at the end of the sem that it never mattered even how swiftly it goes(even when with an exam cycle to begin with),in the end,group 531E will always get screwed!!!Why?Yes,I won;t deny we get the best mentors and at the same time being one of the most obedient groups(or are we the only group?),we still can;t cross the mind's of few mentors for an example,MY LAST ROTATION'S HEMATOLOGIST: ALEXANDROVNA SVETLANA VOLKOVA.Just one simple request yesterday "can we compress a class on friday?" the answer we got was very hopeful "okay,read hemostasis and chronic leukaemias".And what happened today? "I'll see you on monday:practical class and you'll get your zachut after you've done correction on your CASE REPORT!"..Isn't that great?Just a small request,we didn;t even want to cancel any classes better still we asked whether it is possible for us to carry forward one class to next sem?and see what we got?I was sure that I could get my dopusk from the dean's today,put away my hemato file on the shelf and get FULLY INTO paeds..but now...I've no words to say,too tired to voice out anything that I chose to blog instead!!!

My time table is partially to be blamed also..*hate this*..I made a mistake for the second time and I SWEAR I won't let this happen again,I will make it up to you over the holidays,I promise!I will,you gotta give me a chance here.Haematology is a novel subject in my medic studies.I was pretty much welcoming it but I know I wasn;t so TOTALLY into it..partially neglecting it because of paeds..was trying very hard to juggle between these 2 subjects and being more bias and inclined to paeds.Additional notes,doses and infos which seems like never ending(all the 3 sems work) and recent additional of questions,all are taking toll on me.Interesting subject which requires lots of reviving extra materials especially when you have a specialist who thinks whatever you studied is simply not enough to answer her questions!!!!*frustrated*..I know it's my mistake,perhaps I should have just immersed myself into HEMATOLOGY for the past 4 days,should have,but why I didn't?* my bad*.

Hence,Monday i still have another day of my hemato class..(my final class!)

Not really in the mood to chat or to have conversation but trying to be calm and think everything will be ok if only I keep my head above the water..still ,all I need now is a place to sink in deeply.Or nothing less than the best..a hug from dad or mum~.

"still *bleeding out* from what had happened" -*off mode*

1614

I so want to....

* My ideal vacation: this is where I should(want to) be right NOW!*

11th January'10@2300

Just a quick post before I procrastinate my time.Actually,I'm tired of burrowing my eyes on my paeds...can I just go MIA(missing in action) for a few days?Just want to be the invisible me!

Right at this very moment,all I want to do is(any of them):

1.Just to sleep for the next couple of days without having to wake up.Can I do that,please?Just want to fulfill my very long time request to become a sleeping beauty..well,not exactly to become like her who slept for years without being awakened but just a few days will do for me!!!But over here,it's highly impossible when people are just too loud,I wonder where are your considerations towards others' feelings!

2.I desperately need a FRESH AIR to breathe!!I so want to walk along the sunny beach..feel the softness of the breeze,sit on a spread under a palm tree-facing the blue crystal clear water-engulfed totally with a good novel-and day dream!And now,July,please come fast!

3.I;m so tempted to have a piece of any cakes(preferably chocolate moist cake) from Secret Recipe..I'm craving,yes I'm craving for that one bite,at least~

4.I so want to slump right infront of the 'idiot box' @ tv and be a potato couch for...ermm..FOREVER!I miss my summer holidays cos my last summer holidays were taken away for Internal Medicine and me being the studious one at home besides being Ragu's bully!*sigh*

5.Last but not least,I want to get into my car and drive away...away..away... to unbottle the stress in me!!!

Now,can I just close my eyes,wish upon the stars(yeah I know there's none here on the dark sky) and wake up to find myself resting in a challet of any beach resort?

* a slap on right cheek*-- now ,get back to paeds!

2315

I'm in again..:)

*what magic have you and going to cast on me?*

4th January'10@1025

2010 started off smoothly for me..it has been going very 'sleekly' ever since 12am 1st January *wink*..well let's see,the wantingness(so much!) to make calls to my big family,besties and dearest(okay,no more surprise!) was made impossible by mig33.I anti you,yes you calling system!!!Luckily,dad and mum called even before i rang them up.I was so disappointed by the fact,I was 'cheated' by own feelings."When you had the chance,you never took the initiative,look what's happening now?You can;t even make a single call because of the screwed up calling system.." my inner voice took charge to make me feel 'better'.I don't remember how many times I was trying to reconnect the call,again and again..but,you suck Mig33..you're supposed to be at your best behaviour on important days and peak hours..you definitely need a proper 'lesson' ..still I hate you!

Instead of making calls,finally,I ended up sending/replied sms-es to my dearest..Aud was the very first one to sms me with her best and lovely new year wish,thank you sweetheart:)yeah I was late this year to send my wish,all was because of the calling system..*a big frown on my face*.A sweetest(is it a forward message?) came right before I went to bed at 3.17am..okay,I know it was already 8.17am in Malaysia :p

I was still trying to make calls till 12 am Malaysian time but..my efforts were just gone with teh wind..turned on to my usual mode of communication,informed ,sadly it's no longer a surprise and as the best well wisher(I believe),I sent my wishes.:)

Reminiscing my 1st January,the night outing with nana and friends,morning talk with mum dad and ragu via webcam(longest chat and webcamming ever with them) which kicked off my 1st day of 2010 with beautiful rainbow colours and wait,I was watching "rebound" when out of sudden,my mobile rang again at 2.06am Malaysian time.Wish fulfilled, though I became totally silent,again,this time.Still,I got the message across..so that's what matters right?

You know what can best describe the passed days and the remaining upcoming days?A melancholic and 'solemn' rated lyrics Ronan Keating : When You Say Nothing At All.

"It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart,

Without saying a word,you can light up the dark,

Try as I may I can never explain,

What I hear when you don't say a thing....."

I got the message clear(sure on that!)*all smiley*...(',)

Now what to do with the remaining credit on my phone?Let's make some calls now or maybe later to compensate my new year call?(and that's if Mig33 works!)....*chuckles*

1100

Welcome,2010.

*a path to a better and a more promising year*

1st January'10 @2000

Sipping a nice hot cup full of green-tea,allow me to extend my wishes of a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010 to all my friends out there.May the year be a real good one for all those are still bravely standing facing all the challenges that are coming their way.Good luck to everyone out there,you can do it!!!

When the word 'new year' comes out from your mouth,automatically the next question that will be asked will be "so,what's your new year resolutions?"According to wikipedia(the widely used cum favourite of everyone's, resolution is defined as : a written motion adopted by a deliberative body.I know many have already have at least one resolution for a brand new year or maybe a list full of resolutions,resolutions which have accumulated from the previous years that need a serious attention in fulfilling and etc.There are also people like me who has NO RESOLUTIONS at all!! Like I had said ,"I welcome everything that comes my way,let it be good or bad,hopefully more good.."I don't need something very dictative to tie me down completely from doing something that I desire.To a lesser extent,I have always had the same resolutions (when I used to have them) and I realised,I still can achieve them without totally restraining myself..so Navanita rejects the idea of resolution,SAY NO TO RESOLUTIONS!! ~ on a second note here,I made Dad take up a very serious challenge and from the person who's not totally into resolutions,Dad has been forced to take up a resolution by me,ragu and mum.Will see how Dad will fare in it,We love you very much, Daddy and it's for you.

As for this new year,I definitely want to be a better person.Yes,better than last year.

The attitude which I have possessed will not change for anyone.

Part of them are:

-I view everything in a more wider aspect now.I'd like to maintain that.

-I am not responsible for other people's action.

-Those who don't fit into my friend's list's criteria are not worth my time,so stop acting funny with me.

The improvised attitude of mine for the year:

-I will be totally honest and true to myself.

-I won't be such a softie inside though I look tough on the outside(that's according to vicks).

-believe completely in "if it's meant to be,It will certainly happen once for real".

2010,please pass by me very very slowly,there;s no hurry for you to snatch away my university life..finally,there's only 1 more year left for me to graduate.I can;t believe this..and only then the real drama of my life will start.

Let's hope for the very best in 2010.

Cheers:)

2045