F for fudged up!

* being calm even when it feels like a volcano waiting to erupt*

15th December'10@1545

*Inhale and exhale deeply,nita~*..yeap,done!*does it help to destress?*..*guess,no..still so fudged up!*I'm so the....#$%!@###*(nothing in vulgar!)

what am I feeling at this very minute?I feel like-smiling?laughing out loud?lash out at someone?box someone?or even feel like breaking things?a good combination of all those,yes,that's what I feel like doing right now!!!!better still I wanna hike up to the top of Kledang Hill and SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT!

Before every semester begins,after checking the time table,I'd be satisfied,only to realise later at the end of the sem that it never mattered even how swiftly it goes(even when with an exam cycle to begin with),in the end,group 531E will always get screwed!!!Why?Yes,I won;t deny we get the best mentors and at the same time being one of the most obedient groups(or are we the only group?),we still can;t cross the mind's of few mentors for an example,MY LAST ROTATION'S HEMATOLOGIST: ALEXANDROVNA SVETLANA VOLKOVA.Just one simple request yesterday "can we compress a class on friday?" the answer we got was very hopeful "okay,read hemostasis and chronic leukaemias".And what happened today? "I'll see you on monday:practical class and you'll get your zachut after you've done correction on your CASE REPORT!"..Isn't that great?Just a small request,we didn;t even want to cancel any classes better still we asked whether it is possible for us to carry forward one class to next sem?and see what we got?I was sure that I could get my dopusk from the dean's today,put away my hemato file on the shelf and get FULLY INTO paeds..but now...I've no words to say,too tired to voice out anything that I chose to blog instead!!!

My time table is partially to be blamed also..*hate this*..I made a mistake for the second time and I SWEAR I won't let this happen again,I will make it up to you over the holidays,I promise!I will,you gotta give me a chance here.Haematology is a novel subject in my medic studies.I was pretty much welcoming it but I know I wasn;t so TOTALLY into it..partially neglecting it because of paeds..was trying very hard to juggle between these 2 subjects and being more bias and inclined to paeds.Additional notes,doses and infos which seems like never ending(all the 3 sems work) and recent additional of questions,all are taking toll on me.Interesting subject which requires lots of reviving extra materials especially when you have a specialist who thinks whatever you studied is simply not enough to answer her questions!!!!*frustrated*..I know it's my mistake,perhaps I should have just immersed myself into HEMATOLOGY for the past 4 days,should have,but why I didn't?* my bad*.

Hence,Monday i still have another day of my hemato class..(my final class!)

Not really in the mood to chat or to have conversation but trying to be calm and think everything will be ok if only I keep my head above the water..still ,all I need now is a place to sink in deeply.Or nothing less than the best..a hug from dad or mum~.

"still *bleeding out* from what had happened" -*off mode*

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